Are you struggling with the demands of caregiving and work? Learn about the signs of parental burnout and strategies to manage this growing challenge.
“You can do anything, but not everything.” This quote from the personal productivity expert David Allen hits home for many working parents. According to the insurance company Guardian Life, 77% of caregivers say they have poor mental health. Burnout is a pressing challenge these days. It’s defined as a prolonged, constant feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion. Research is now starting to focus on parental burnout. It’s a similar phenomenon, but the exhaustion stems from caregiving demands on top of work duties. Parents increasingly lack the support and resources to handle their responsibilities and stress.
The Employee Benefit News (EBN) webcast “How to Enjoy Parenting from an Empty Tank” covered critical information on parental burnout. Webcast presenters Kelly Deacon and Carmen Adriana Torres Diaz from the behavioral and mental health platform RethinkCare also discussed strategies to address this growing issue. Here are some key takeaways from the presentation.
Symptoms
Understanding the signs of parental burnout is a crucial first step to managing it. The webcast highlighted symptoms such as:
- Emotional and physical exhaustion
- Irritability
- Increased conflicts at home or work
- Brain fog
- Guilt
- Sleep deprivation
- Lack of motivation
- Stress, anxiety and depression
Causes
Parental burnout has many causes. You may have more than one. Examples include:
- Lack of caregiving support
- Perfectionism and unrealistic parenting expectations
- Dependents with special needs
- Poor personal or professional boundaries
- Unrealistic job responsibilities
- Toxic work culture
The webcast highlighted an important point: If you’re a top performer, you may be more prone to parental burnout. The people who care most deeply are most likely to be affected.
Risk factors
As with causes, there are many risk factors for parental burnout. And more than one may apply. ReThink’s Deacon noted that risk factors include:
- The number of children you have
- The age and health of your children
- The age and health of your parents
- Your financial health
- Your cultural background and parenting norms
- If you’re resistant to asking for help or taking time away from work
- If you lack self-care
- If you’re female (Because of an imbalance in caregiving duties, parental burnout affects women more often than men.)
Impacts
Parental burnout negatively affects well-being. It can show up in different ways, including:
- Less time to connect with others
- More stress and mental health challenges
- Increased behavioral issues in kids
- Worsening relationships with colleagues, family, friends and partners
- Lower job satisfaction, engagement and retention
Coping skills and strategies
Coping skills are critical to managing and reversing parental burnout. The EBN webcast highlighted three strategies:
- Consistent, proactive self-care
- Human connection
- Self-soothing in moments of distress
Consistent, proactive self-care
Deacon noted there isn’t one “right way” to care for yourself. But identifying your needs and consistently practicing self-care strategies is crucial to preventing parental burnout.
Start by reframing self-care. It’s not indulgent, selfish or unrealistic. Self-care shouldn’t cause stress. You don’t have to be the best, set lofty goals or start a side hustle with these activities.
Many people say they don’t have time for self-care. But self-care is taking responsibility for your future as a parent, employee and human being.
Strategies include:
- Drink more water.
- Eat nutritious food.
- Take a warm bath or shower.
- Get outside.
- Move your body through walking, yoga or fitness classes.
- Perform a social media audit to reduce screen time and negative influences.
- Practice gratitude.
- Meditate or perform mindful breathing.
- Engage in creative pursuits such as painting, drawing, coloring, writing and reading.
Microbreaks also count as self-care. These short activities can be a more realistic place to start small:
- Find a private spot to enjoy a cup of coffee.
- Take a mindful minute to breathe deeply before work.
- Go for a five-minute walk during your lunch break.
- Stretch while watching TV.
- Dance to your favorite song.
Human connection
Social support can also prevent and reduce parental burnout. Torres Diaz recommends building a village of people you trust with your children. Having alternative caretakers who can help on short notice, take kids to scheduled activities and step in during emergencies can reduce stress and burnout.
It can also be helpful to build an identity outside of parenting. Hobbies and other personal pursuits are a good starting point.
Ways to build social support include:
- Join a community, volunteer or parenting group.
- Find a hobby or take a class to meet people with similar interests.
- Work with your partner to divvy up caregiving responsibilities.
- Ask your family and friends for help with caregiving responsibilities.
- Set up a meal train to reduce your cooking for the week ahead.
- Get professional support from a counselor, therapist or psychologist specializing in burnout.
- Start or join an employee resource group (ERG) for caregivers at your organization. ERGs provide a safe space to swap stories, share strategies and recommend meaningful changes to the workplace.
If you’re unable to build a community right now, try solitary pursuits to sort out your thoughts. Examples include:
- Journaling
- Expressing yourself through art, music or dance
- Recording your worries as they appear and then returning later to explore solutions
Self-soothing in moments of distress
When you’re struggling as a parent, give yourself grace. Parenting can be difficult for various reasons, including:
- Child care limitations
- Economic challenges
- Health care issues
- Inequitable school funding and performance
- Differing cultural values
- Systemic biases
- Unexpected personal challenges
The EBN webcast recommended regularly putting your hand on your heart and saying, “This is hard. I’m doing my best.” Stay open to your pain, but approach yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself the way you would a friend.
If you’re facing a parenting challenge that doesn’t need an immediate response, step away and take time to process your thoughts. Options include:
- Going for a walk
- Changing your immediate environment
- Practicing deep breathing
- Relaxing with a shower, bath, book or movie
According to Employee Benefit News, the manufacturing company Country Maid asks employees to reflect on two related questions: How is your work life impacting your home life? And how is your home life impacting your work life?
The answers can reveal areas of focus and strategic improvements at work and home. Examples include:
- Delegate tasks.
- Try time management tools.
- Schedule check-ins with colleagues and managers.
- Take breaks at work and home.
- Identify a comforting spot when you need to be alone.
Prioritize your well-being
Don’t tell yourself you “should” be doing things you aren’t. Torres Diaz recommends trusting your instincts instead of quick fixes or parenting hacks. The “perfect parent” myth encourages unhealthy comparisons. Unrealistic expectations add to parental burnout.
Instead, focus on your well-being. When you prioritize your needs alongside your kids’ needs, everyone will be better off in the long run.
If you need more help managing parental burnout, talk to your benefits adviser or human resources representative. They can connect you to resources to support your caregiving needs, mental and physical well-being, and personal and professional duties.
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